aniruddha pathak

NaBloPoMo Post 25:Possession and freedom

In Uncategorized on July 25, 2009 at 19:16

It may sound weird as to why I have put freedom and possession together, but when one looks at a relationship to me they become the pivot on which the delicate balance of a relationship rests.

Of whatever little experience I have had of going through a relationship or from my friends who discuss with me there are two theories that I would like to share.

Theory 1: When one is not possessive in a relationship, one does not actually love. To show that you love someone, you need to be possessive. It feels good mind you initially. When one tells you that, “please do not go and meet your friends, spend some time with me.” One cannot help but feel that they mean something to someone. Slowly however according to me, this same possessiveness becomes the root cause of fights, moves on to creating a sense of disbelief, and then actually turns into accusations.

Theory 2: Well this actually happens to be my stupid theory, stupid because it has not worked so far for me, and I don’t think anyone out there actually concurs with what I am going to say.

Now I have always believed in keeping one free in a relationship. To me any kind of restriction starts to stifle the other person. There has to be room to breathe, room to grow, and love itself should be enough a reason to keep the person in the relation. Why should one be scared of losing the guy/girl? Have faith in the relationship, or move on because if love has failed nothing else will make a person stay in a relationship.

So what theory do you support? Or do you have a different theory 😉

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  1. Contradictory though it may sound, I think both theories ar valid in parts and at different times.

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  2. I agree with the second theory! but then in order to make the other person feel wanted he shud be told often that u love him/her!

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  3. I’ve always maintained the stance that possessive is fine ONLY as long as it is wtihin limits.

    #1: Darling I want to spend time with you … please don’t go ….
    Fair enuff… cute, enjoyable

    #2: Why are you spending too much time with friends/parents/siblings? You are not giving me any time at all…
    Sorry not ok… I have a life outside being a partner too… that’s the way I see it… :-/

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    • No views on theory 2 Ashwathy?

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      • That’s exactly what I was saying…

        If you choke a person into being a relationship, then there’s no point being surprised when it breaks up. I’d rather be in a relationship because I WANT to be in it rather than coz I have no other choice…

        Relationships/partners are like the grains of sand u hold in your palm. The tighter you hold them, the more grains will fall through the gaps in your fingers. If you leave them loosely in your palm, it will stay there aaram se.
        As simple as that…

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  4. I go with your theory…..Always a dream come true! :p

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  5. @ashwathy Does that not mean the same thing as theory 2?

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  6. ey man..how did i miss this post???? now i will sower my gyann..:D 😀

    Man its all about “…pyaar mein kabhie kabhie aisa ho jaata hai..choti si baat ka phasana ban jaata hai.. ” but you know what..its all about Trust, Faith, Respect for each other in a relationship which keeps the “Loveeeeeeeee” rolling and a point that often goes unnoticed…”Maturity is a must need when you are in a relationship”…if not…”pyar bhi pal bhar ka hi hota hai” and therefore people just move on leaving the other….

    and why to worry so much, man…these are colors of life, man…EnJoy…!!!! 😀 😀

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  7. Theory 2, yes yes! In practical life, many people find it difficult to follow, though!

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  8. the 1st theory is something im totally against. things dont work that way. there are certainly OTHER ways to make the other person feel loved. u dont need to be possessive.

    the 2nd theory is cool unless it reaches a level where its known as ‘independence’
    i’ve read this somewhere ..
    there’s one thing called ‘dependence’ wherein to totally depend on each other and it includes all that u mentioned in theory 1. the couple is really insecure. nil trust. slowly, they try to inhibit the growth of the other person.

    the second thing’s called ‘independence’ where u gice total freedom ur partner. after sometime, u become indifferent to ur partner coz for u ..ur freedom is more important than love. so to save ur freedom, u give him/her the freedom and both of u just lose touch. love just vanishes. yes, u dont get jealous or insecure but at the same time u dont really feel the way one should when he/she is in love.

    the 3rd ..ideal state’s called ‘interdependence’ ..which is when both the people are in sync. they truly understand each other. have faith in each other and their relationship. give each other the right amount of space. this is seen really rarely but when it happens, thats when u can say that the couple’s really in love 🙂

    im sorry if this didnt make any sense :p

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    • Well oRange firstly welcome to the blog. And thank you for such a detailed response, i really appreciate the fact that you tried to put things in perspective. the 3rd state of interdependance is what the second theory talks about too.
      May be i could not put it clearly in the post, but i think somewhere in comments i mentioned that, its about ‘Attachment’ with
      ‘detachment’. So the interdependance part is in attachment, while freedom is in ‘detachment’ 🙂

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  9. i think both needed too make a relation thrive,we all want too feel special for atleat one,bit possesiveness is a must,u ought too make the othr one feel tht ur life won’t go unnoticed,u mean a lot…..it’s like saying.” ve a nice time but ‘m really gng too miss u…..luv yaa” noone feels traped then…..
    we all r free birds,noone can cage us, n if r caught it’s surely gng too lead towards the dead end…….let the relation flourish at it’s own.
    in short be the base camp in sumone’s life,how ahead he goes,he has too cum back too u for revitalising self and finding comfort too sooth soul…..it’s my philoshy,hope it makes some sense:)

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