B was at home on vacations with his family. His mom had a constant complaint, that he wasn’t spending much time with his family, and all he cared was for his friends. B felt guilty, he promised himself that he will make up for it, once he was settled. He had made that promise to himself, consistently since last 6 years. That was the time when he met S, for the first time.
Beep beep. “Can we talk?”
S: Have you asked your parents yet?
B was surprised to hear that, just when he thought S was drifting away from him, she actually talking about….Marriage?
B: Yes, I mean I’m confident S, I’ve told you my parents wouldn’t say no.
S: But still I think I need to be clear right.
B: Yea, I will talk today itself. What about you, have you spoken to parents?
S: Oh come on B, I’ve told you so many times, my parents still want a guy with a secure job you know, but I think they will agree. First you let me know ok?
B’s family had met S on couple of occasions, and they knew that if there was any girl in B’s life it was S. B was still not sure as to how his parents would take it, after all he had just started with his job. B himself had rejected proposals earlier seeking more time to settle down.
It was a Sunday evening. B’s dad was watching the match re-run on TV, and his mom and sister were enjoying their cup of coffee. This was the moment, B thought, he had practiced this so many times before, and now he was going to do it. He was sure about his parents, but something was making him nervous, what if they said no? How will he ever face S again? It was now or never, he had to do it.
B: Mom, dad you know I’ve been thinking about something?
Mom and sister were sensing something, and smirked .B had practiced this so many times, but watching his sister smile he sensed something was wrong. Did they already know what he was going to say? He thought of doing it some other time, but then he said to himself, If I don’t face it today I will never be able to do it.
B: It’s about S
Mom: Now what about her?
B: I want to marry her
B was expecting the worst now, he had said it. He looked at his dad, dad was still busy watching TV, and he then glanced at his mom. He was expecting the worst of reactions from his mom. One tight slap, after all she was closest to him and he felt he had cheated. That he had completely lost her trust, by not sharing this part of his life with her.
Mom: When do you guys plan to do it?
“What?? Was mom really serious? I mean she agrees and is actually asking when?”
B was stunned by his mom’s reaction. Not that he was expecting his father to be any better, but mom had surprised him, again.
Mom: What do you think son? I wouldn’t know what you are doing with extra classes, while all your friends actually don’t attend any. Anyways we like the girl, and let us know when we go and talk to her parents. I’ve spoken to your dad about it already.
B: What?? I mean you guys knew already that I was going to ask this?
Mom, sister and dad were laughing by now.
Sister: Yes brother, we knew you will ask, the only question was when?
B was ecstatic, he knew he had broken mom’s trust but he couldn’t help but rush to her and cry. He felt stupid too; he thought he had planned it very well; that his mom will never know what happened. He felt stupid, but happy too. He was now laughing at his own stupidity. “You can’t hide things from your mom, they always know what’s going inside the mind of their child”
B: Yay, didn’t I tell you, my parents were always going to agree
S: What they agreed, oh cool
B: Now I think you should ask your parents too
S: What? Not now B, you know I have yet to complete my post grad. You know how important it is for me. I am yet to clear the entrance exams; there is hardly a month to prepare.
B: Yes I do. Ok fine talk to them after your exams. And hey, I know how important these exams are for you. I’ll talk to you once your exams are done.
S: Hey no, keep talking.
B:No S, I’ll be distracting you. Its been 6 years, that we have been together. I want you to achieve what you have always wished for. Its important for our relationship too.
B: Talk to your parents once you are done with exam.
S: Ok I’ll see.
A month had passed. Sad as it could be, S had flunked. B was trying hard to console her, but it was of no use. B had returned to his work, it was the first time he ever felt that long distance can ruin things to the worst. He was feeling failed, however hard he could have tried, he could not have given that warm hug that he thought could console S. Did S need a warm hug from B? Or was it a perfect moment?
S: I think B this can’t go on. We will just be friends
B: What are you saying? We just talked about marriage a month back? Whats wrong?
S: I feel my friends are taking better care of me than you are?
This was the last thing, B could hear. Six years of his life, he had spent taking care of his girl, love of a father, unconditional as he thought, was what he had offered her. And now she had found people who could love her more than he could?
S: Listen we’ll talk tomorrow, my mood is not great, I’m sorry.
May be she was in a bad mood, B thought. It would all be fine, B was an optimist guy, and things could not go wrong after all they have been together for 6 years. The very net day he got a call again from S.
S: Hey sorry, I was really upset last night. I didn’t mean any of that sorts ok
B: Ya I know. How are you now?
S: I’m fine. B listen, please don’t call me from now. My family is really upset about me flunking the exams.
B: Can I send you sms atleast?
S: Uhh try and keep it to minimum.
B: Ok sure.
B did not understand that moment what was happening to him. He stopped calling S and messages were now reduced to mere exchange of greetings. “I love you” seemed to have vanished. It was 3 months since S flunked her exams, when one day B got a message that really left him perplexed
“B your smses are distracting me. I will get in touch with you once I’m fine”
B discussed it with his friends, and they all gave him an i-told-you-so look. He was still determined, to make it work. It had to work; everything had gone well so far. His parents had agreed for the marriage, this can’t go down like this, he said to himself. S would calm down in few days, and things would be back to normal again. He smiled. “God is taking a test, and I will come out a winner again”, he thought.
A month later, Q visited B. They both had their dinner and decided to take a walk near the beach which was close to B’s flat. It was the place they often visited, and discussed their plans for the future. B often advised Q on matters of relationships. However this night was going to be different.
Q: I don’t know how to tell you this
B: What’s the matter go on; we have discussed it so many times. Is it about your girl friend again?
Q: Its about S.
B: What about S? Was she asking about me? I’m sure she’s scared to talk directly to me, go ahead, I know she’s sorry. Why can’t she talk to me directly? I have loved her so much, forgiven so many things, its such a small issue
Q: Shut up!!!!!! Don’t you realize?
B was stunned, Q had never spoken to him like this before. He could see Q being very upset, he could see tears in Q’s eyes.
B: What’s the matter Q? why don’t you tell me, what happened to S? Did she leave any message?
Q: Yes, P her senior remember? She has married P and both of them are off to US to pursue studies together.
B could feel the blood in his head freeze, his last six years spent with S was in front of him. Meeting in school, writing poems, singing for her, his diary entries, every moment rolled in front of his eyes, while Q was yelling at him. He could not hear Q anymore.
B: I deserve a reason!!! six years, Q I deserve a reason
It started pouring that moment as B stood there on the beach, crying.
The moment had frozen!!
Open arms are gone again
No sweet touch on sun kissed face
No messing up of curly hair
No shadow dance with lovely grace
This time you know
you’re all alone
this time you know
why hoping on
This time you know
its not your way
Its time to rise
its time to see
Its time to dress
Its time to feel
Its time to find
the real me